Divorce is hard on the children, and there are sadly consequences that come from it. They are losing their family. Their relationship with both of their parents change, but more usually with the father and child since the mother usually has custody. Even if it's joint custody, the mom gets them more most of the time. The father sometimes ends up far away, and there was even a study that showed that around the time the child of divorced parents turns 15, the average father of that child is around 400 miles away from them. Today my teacher went over reasons for why that could be. The mother may have moved, either to where she was able to get a job, or she moved closer to family or some kind of support system after the divorce. Perhaps it was because she remarried or wanted to get far away from her ex-husband. Maybe the father moved to get another job to get more income because he has to pay for two different households now for child support. He may even had remarried and moved to live with his wife. Because of the distance, the child sees their father even less and loses the relationship they once had with them.
The child might withdraw from their parents because of change in their relationship to them or even to each other. Sadly, some parents fight each other through the child and that can really damage that child's relationship with them. Divorce is never an easy situation and will always change a child and not usually for the better.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Week 11: Abortion and Adoption
The number of abortions are going up and the amount of adoptions are decreasing because of it. It is very sad for me to think about, because there are so many infertile couples that want more than anything to adopt a child, but those who are getting pregnant and aren't able or don't want to raise their baby turn to abortion instead.
My teacher on Monday asked each of us to come up with what we would say about abortion, and I'd like to use this post to share what I have to say about abortion. I'm going to come out and just say that yes, I am very much against abortion. Mostly for those who choose it not because their health is at risk, and not because they were raped, but because they are selfish. They don't want to go through pregnancy, they don't want to go through labor pains, they don't want to feel shamed because people will see their baby belly. Some convince themselves that life is terrible and they are just keeping the child from going through hell on this earth. Well, I've got to tell them to suck it up. I say choose adoption. Putting aside rape, I'd like to explain something to others who get pregnant outside of marriage. Sex is procreation. Remember? If you don't want a baby yet, the safest way to avoid it is by abstaining from sex. The number one function of sex is to make babies. I think the world had totally messed this simple fact up. They think sex is for fun and to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful way to express love with your loved one, but it's basic anatomy of it is making a child. So many people seem to forget that and then get all upset and freaked out when they get pregnant. Hello, you had sex, and babies are what come from it. You reap what you sow. I know, I must sound really harsh, but it should be so obvious! For those who were raped and got pregnant from that I have a little more understanding, but I honestly think that letting the baby grow full term and then putting up for adoption would be the best of both of you. So many people who chose abortion end up feeling guilt within a few years later and some people had found afterword that when they are trying to get pregnant, that they can't. The baby they could have had they killed. Who wants to live with that guilt. I understand that some people in defense of the raped will say that it's cruel to make someone go through pregnancy having to see and deal with despair and reminder of what happened to them. I understand that, but this life is full of trials and not a smooth road. Some of us will have to suffer in different ways and this is one trial that some of us will go through and I know they can make it through.
Then comes the whole danger to the mom's health thing. All I can say about this is that I haven't heard of a single story or scenario where a mom got an abortion to save herself. I have only heard and seen the women in those situations want the baby so much that they push on anyways and have the baby. So i honestly don't know about the whole "what about the women whose health is in danger?" thing. It sounds like it's everyone else who wants to have the abortion and not the ones whose lives are at risk. Of course, I won't hold onto that if I do hear of a story of a mother who chose abortion to save herself, I just haven't yet is all.
Then there is the famous "It's my body, I should be able to do whatever I want with it. You can't tell me what to do with my body." News flash: Your body? Have you ever seen what pregnancy looks like? How a body forms over time? There is a body inside of yours forming, but it isn't your body that you are taking out and destroying. It is another person's body that you don't give a chance to grow and be born. It is not your body which is why so many people don't want you to have the choice to take it's life away from it. Think about it: what if your mom decided to abort you? What if she gave all the excuses that everyone else gives? How do you feel thinking about not having the chance to live? Think about it. Is abortion really necessary when there's adoption? They are so many couples out there dying for children and yet there are so many women deciding to abort instead. Don't you think adoption is the best choice for everyone? Less regret, no preventing life, and making the life of other people happy by giving them a chance to raise children and thereby giving that child a wonderful life with loving parents who wanted them more than anything. What do you think is better and more benefiting, abortion or adoption?
My teacher on Monday asked each of us to come up with what we would say about abortion, and I'd like to use this post to share what I have to say about abortion. I'm going to come out and just say that yes, I am very much against abortion. Mostly for those who choose it not because their health is at risk, and not because they were raped, but because they are selfish. They don't want to go through pregnancy, they don't want to go through labor pains, they don't want to feel shamed because people will see their baby belly. Some convince themselves that life is terrible and they are just keeping the child from going through hell on this earth. Well, I've got to tell them to suck it up. I say choose adoption. Putting aside rape, I'd like to explain something to others who get pregnant outside of marriage. Sex is procreation. Remember? If you don't want a baby yet, the safest way to avoid it is by abstaining from sex. The number one function of sex is to make babies. I think the world had totally messed this simple fact up. They think sex is for fun and to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful way to express love with your loved one, but it's basic anatomy of it is making a child. So many people seem to forget that and then get all upset and freaked out when they get pregnant. Hello, you had sex, and babies are what come from it. You reap what you sow. I know, I must sound really harsh, but it should be so obvious! For those who were raped and got pregnant from that I have a little more understanding, but I honestly think that letting the baby grow full term and then putting up for adoption would be the best of both of you. So many people who chose abortion end up feeling guilt within a few years later and some people had found afterword that when they are trying to get pregnant, that they can't. The baby they could have had they killed. Who wants to live with that guilt. I understand that some people in defense of the raped will say that it's cruel to make someone go through pregnancy having to see and deal with despair and reminder of what happened to them. I understand that, but this life is full of trials and not a smooth road. Some of us will have to suffer in different ways and this is one trial that some of us will go through and I know they can make it through.
Then comes the whole danger to the mom's health thing. All I can say about this is that I haven't heard of a single story or scenario where a mom got an abortion to save herself. I have only heard and seen the women in those situations want the baby so much that they push on anyways and have the baby. So i honestly don't know about the whole "what about the women whose health is in danger?" thing. It sounds like it's everyone else who wants to have the abortion and not the ones whose lives are at risk. Of course, I won't hold onto that if I do hear of a story of a mother who chose abortion to save herself, I just haven't yet is all.
Then there is the famous "It's my body, I should be able to do whatever I want with it. You can't tell me what to do with my body." News flash: Your body? Have you ever seen what pregnancy looks like? How a body forms over time? There is a body inside of yours forming, but it isn't your body that you are taking out and destroying. It is another person's body that you don't give a chance to grow and be born. It is not your body which is why so many people don't want you to have the choice to take it's life away from it. Think about it: what if your mom decided to abort you? What if she gave all the excuses that everyone else gives? How do you feel thinking about not having the chance to live? Think about it. Is abortion really necessary when there's adoption? They are so many couples out there dying for children and yet there are so many women deciding to abort instead. Don't you think adoption is the best choice for everyone? Less regret, no preventing life, and making the life of other people happy by giving them a chance to raise children and thereby giving that child a wonderful life with loving parents who wanted them more than anything. What do you think is better and more benefiting, abortion or adoption?
Monday, November 25, 2013
Week 10: Fatherhood
This week we have a paper due about fatherhood and the affect fathers have for their children. What I learned were very interesting things that I had no idea fathers had an impact on. For example, a father's involvement has an affect on how children treat others. If a child had a nurturing father that was around often, they are less aggressive and more kind with other children. A father also has a direct impact on a child's well-being and can influence their child's academic achievement. There is a lot more that fathers influence and impact in their child's life, especially when they are the nurturing kind of father.
So since Thanksgiving is this week, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful father and how grateful I am that he is the nurturing kind. My dad is sweet, silly, talented and one of the most loving people I have ever known. He is so accepting that many of my siblings' friends became part of the family and took an an adopted role because they loved him and our family so much.
My dad always cared and is there for me when I need him. I can hold conversations with him that could go on forever. He's always teaching me and sharing his knowledge with me. He's the type of father who never withheld his affection for his children. I am so grateful for the wonderful influence he has had in my life and I only continue to realize how great he is and was and the sacrifices he went through for our family.
I love you dad! Thank you for being the best dad ever!
So since Thanksgiving is this week, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful father and how grateful I am that he is the nurturing kind. My dad is sweet, silly, talented and one of the most loving people I have ever known. He is so accepting that many of my siblings' friends became part of the family and took an an adopted role because they loved him and our family so much.
My dad always cared and is there for me when I need him. I can hold conversations with him that could go on forever. He's always teaching me and sharing his knowledge with me. He's the type of father who never withheld his affection for his children. I am so grateful for the wonderful influence he has had in my life and I only continue to realize how great he is and was and the sacrifices he went through for our family.
I love you dad! Thank you for being the best dad ever!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Week 9: Power
There are different types of power in a family that is used.
There are also different ways power is divided among a husband and wife. Some extreme cases are abuse, but power does not mean abuse. It depends on how one uses their power. In some families, the father has the most power, and in some the mother does. There are many families where the power is split between the two in different areas. Many women in that situation usually choose to have the power over decisions of the household and children, and the father may have more power over all the other matters. One might prefer having power over the bills, or they might share their power in many areas. When I think of power in the family, I think of who has control over what and who has the final say in it. Every family has their differences in how they divide and use their power, but here are some examples of the types of power parents might use either on each other or their children.
Coercive is usually used in desperation by a parent and is dependent on fear and the parent threaten punishments. Parents that use coercive power usually use that when nothing else seems to work, but many try to avoid it if they can. Another type of power is Reward power. It's when parents will try to get their children to be obedient by offering them some kind of reward for doing what they're told. Legitimate power is more power spouses use on each other rather than on their children. It's when one asks the other to do something that the other has the duty to comply and so they'll do it. Expert power is when one has power over something because they have special expertise or knowledge in that specific area. Referent power is used when the other obeys because they have a desire to please the one using the power on them. The last type of power is Informational which is basically persuasion by spouse that what they want is in your own best interest.
You can probably picture a bunch of scenarios in your head for each type of power and you probably have mixed feelings about the use of each of them, whether you consider them negative or positive. My goal was not to tell you what's good and what's bad with them, but just to point out what the types were.
There are also different ways power is divided among a husband and wife. Some extreme cases are abuse, but power does not mean abuse. It depends on how one uses their power. In some families, the father has the most power, and in some the mother does. There are many families where the power is split between the two in different areas. Many women in that situation usually choose to have the power over decisions of the household and children, and the father may have more power over all the other matters. One might prefer having power over the bills, or they might share their power in many areas. When I think of power in the family, I think of who has control over what and who has the final say in it. Every family has their differences in how they divide and use their power, but here are some examples of the types of power parents might use either on each other or their children.
Coercive is usually used in desperation by a parent and is dependent on fear and the parent threaten punishments. Parents that use coercive power usually use that when nothing else seems to work, but many try to avoid it if they can. Another type of power is Reward power. It's when parents will try to get their children to be obedient by offering them some kind of reward for doing what they're told. Legitimate power is more power spouses use on each other rather than on their children. It's when one asks the other to do something that the other has the duty to comply and so they'll do it. Expert power is when one has power over something because they have special expertise or knowledge in that specific area. Referent power is used when the other obeys because they have a desire to please the one using the power on them. The last type of power is Informational which is basically persuasion by spouse that what they want is in your own best interest.
You can probably picture a bunch of scenarios in your head for each type of power and you probably have mixed feelings about the use of each of them, whether you consider them negative or positive. My goal was not to tell you what's good and what's bad with them, but just to point out what the types were.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Week 8: Family Crisis
There are many different crisis that a family could go through and some cope with them differently.
A family could have a financial crisis where one of the parents are unemployed. There could be illness or death in a family. Divorce is a family crisis. They can have positive or negative effects on the family, or even both. Each situation and each individual can deal and cope with the crisis differently. When there is death in a family, it brings some families closer and strengthens their bonds with one another as they heal each other and try to fill up the hole from their lost loved one. For other families, they blame each other and shut each other out refusing to give or accept comfort making the hole made turn into a trench. The other members of the family grow apart more and more over time.
With divorce it could be good if it ended a terrible marriage where there was any kind of abuse involved, then that is usually better off for everyone. However, divorce can end up tearing a family apart and ruin relationships within the family that used to be great. My husband's family has never been the same since his parents' divorce and all of his used to be fantastic and close relationships with his mother and siblings have deteriorated. They used to be so close and get along very well, but his siblings now don't know how to get along with each other anymore.
A financial crisis can help a family become closer by getting together and doing what they can to make it by, but it could also result in many siblings getting jobs and spending less time with their family. As you can see, the outcome of a family crisis completely depends on how the members of the family cope with it. A crisis can bring a family closer or tear them apart. If we can keep this in mind, we can hopefully avoid a crisis negatively impacting our families and let them strengthen us.
A family could have a financial crisis where one of the parents are unemployed. There could be illness or death in a family. Divorce is a family crisis. They can have positive or negative effects on the family, or even both. Each situation and each individual can deal and cope with the crisis differently. When there is death in a family, it brings some families closer and strengthens their bonds with one another as they heal each other and try to fill up the hole from their lost loved one. For other families, they blame each other and shut each other out refusing to give or accept comfort making the hole made turn into a trench. The other members of the family grow apart more and more over time.
With divorce it could be good if it ended a terrible marriage where there was any kind of abuse involved, then that is usually better off for everyone. However, divorce can end up tearing a family apart and ruin relationships within the family that used to be great. My husband's family has never been the same since his parents' divorce and all of his used to be fantastic and close relationships with his mother and siblings have deteriorated. They used to be so close and get along very well, but his siblings now don't know how to get along with each other anymore.
A financial crisis can help a family become closer by getting together and doing what they can to make it by, but it could also result in many siblings getting jobs and spending less time with their family. As you can see, the outcome of a family crisis completely depends on how the members of the family cope with it. A crisis can bring a family closer or tear them apart. If we can keep this in mind, we can hopefully avoid a crisis negatively impacting our families and let them strengthen us.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Week 7: Fidelity in Marriage
In class today, we talked about the many ways one can commit infidelity on their spouse. The first way that comes to everyone's mind is the most obvious one, which is sexual infidelity. There are quite a few ways however, and many people would not find some of them as threats and steps to cheating on their spouse, but it can hurt them in some way.
One way is just by being dishonest with your spouse. Lying or hiding something from them is not a good idea ans should always be avoided. A marriage needs to be built on truth and communication with one another. One lie can build up to many lies which can crumble a once very strong relationship.
Pornography is also very harmful to a relationship and is a form of infidelity. It is not fair to your spouse. Even daydreaming and thinking romantically or sexually about another person is infidelity. People would think it's harmless when it's just a thought and not an action, but how hurt would your spouse be to know that you would rather think of someone else other than them to be like that with. Avoid it.
Avoid being alone with another person who isn't your spouse. It does and has happened where you can develop romantic feelings with that person. Also, don't confide in anyone other than your spouse.
Last, I would like to add that you should not put anyone or anything before your spouse. If your spouse is not your #1, then your marriage will loosen and the bond that keeps you two close together will get wider rather than tighter.
These have taught me a great deal of where to avoid situations where there is even potential of me becoming an infidel to my marriage. Remember the words "Avoid it." They have helped me so far in my marriage and I will continue to follow them. I hope they will help you just the same. Love your spouse, tell them the truth, even it it hurts either or both of you. Have an honest relationship. You two will go far!
One way is just by being dishonest with your spouse. Lying or hiding something from them is not a good idea ans should always be avoided. A marriage needs to be built on truth and communication with one another. One lie can build up to many lies which can crumble a once very strong relationship.
Pornography is also very harmful to a relationship and is a form of infidelity. It is not fair to your spouse. Even daydreaming and thinking romantically or sexually about another person is infidelity. People would think it's harmless when it's just a thought and not an action, but how hurt would your spouse be to know that you would rather think of someone else other than them to be like that with. Avoid it.
Avoid being alone with another person who isn't your spouse. It does and has happened where you can develop romantic feelings with that person. Also, don't confide in anyone other than your spouse.
Last, I would like to add that you should not put anyone or anything before your spouse. If your spouse is not your #1, then your marriage will loosen and the bond that keeps you two close together will get wider rather than tighter.
These have taught me a great deal of where to avoid situations where there is even potential of me becoming an infidel to my marriage. Remember the words "Avoid it." They have helped me so far in my marriage and I will continue to follow them. I hope they will help you just the same. Love your spouse, tell them the truth, even it it hurts either or both of you. Have an honest relationship. You two will go far!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Week 6: Early Marital Adjustments
Today in class we discussed the adjustments we make at the beginning of marriage. I really enjoyed this lesson/discussion because I'm a newly wed and I either am going through some of those adjustments right now or recently did. Some of the adjustments mentioned was coordinating schedules with your spouse, accommodation, changing habits and routines, sleeping adjustments and family traditions. The one I brought up is the adjustment of not taking your problems to your parents like you might be used to, but discuss them with your spouse. Especially if they are marital issues. If you took your problems and complained to mom, it isn't going to help the problem. Who is the problem with? Your spouse? Then go discuss it and figure it out with that person. Your parents can't help you with your marital problems, but will probably make it worse. One student in my class commented that it could warp how your parents see your spouse and start to see them as someone who doesn't treat you right or someone with a bunch of issues. That's not fair to give your spouse that kind of appearance to your parents. You might ruin what was once a good relationship between them.
I remember getting this advice from a friend at my wedding reception and I still remember and take that advice seriously. I have been very private with my marriage problems where only my husband and I are aware of it and we figure them out together. I think it's some of the best advice and I would advise it to every married couple. If you take your problems to your parents, then you aren't communicating with your spouse and lack of communication is a huge cause of divorce. Please don't take communication with your spouse lightly. You will become even closer if you and your spouse can bring up and discuss problems and figure them out together. That is important in a marriage. I've been married for almost two years now, and I already see and appreciate the importance of this matter.
I remember getting this advice from a friend at my wedding reception and I still remember and take that advice seriously. I have been very private with my marriage problems where only my husband and I are aware of it and we figure them out together. I think it's some of the best advice and I would advise it to every married couple. If you take your problems to your parents, then you aren't communicating with your spouse and lack of communication is a huge cause of divorce. Please don't take communication with your spouse lightly. You will become even closer if you and your spouse can bring up and discuss problems and figure them out together. That is important in a marriage. I've been married for almost two years now, and I already see and appreciate the importance of this matter.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Week 5: Love
We learned about the different types of love. There are four types: Agape, Storge, Eros, and Phillia. Agape is the type of love that is independent of one's feelings. It has to do with an intention and is not feeling-based. Storge is the kind of love that a parent has for their child. Eros is the popular type of love that everyone sings about which is the passionate and sexual love. Many people think Eros is what true love is and many relationships are built off of it, but then they fail. The last one is Phillia, which is when you have a sense and want of closeness, friendliness and brotherly love.
When asked which ones we need for a marriage or relationship to work well, I immediately recognized that all four are needed. As I said earlier, there are many relationships of just Eros and because they only have the romance and sexual love and nothing else, they don't endure or last. I believe their needs to be a balance of all four types of love.
You may be confused by how Storge would be important in marriage. Well what comes to mind when you think of how a parent who loves their child treats them? I think of the sense of responsibility and the want and need to take care of them. I feel that way for my husband. I think that's why in a lot of families, they joke that Dad is one of Mom's kids. When my husband gets sick, I want and do my best to help him in his sickness. When he has any kind of a problem, I try to help him figure it out. Whenever his self-confidence goes down, I do my best to bring it back up as high as I can. He does the same for me. Our moms used to have that role, but since we've been married, we fill in those categories. A wife replaces a mother in many ways. This is my proof that Storge love has not only a place in a marriage, but a big place. It's our feelings of taking care of each other come from.
Having Agape shows that you can love your spouse even when you aren't getting along. Your love won't fade even if you aren't currently "in love" with them. It's very important to have in a relationship because it helps it endure. Phillia is also important to have, in my opinion, because it's hard to be married to someone if you don't have a friendship as well. Many spouse's say that they married their best friend. I did as well. Because of our friendship, we can laugh with each other and get along well. A relationship without a friendship is hard to have last.
Therefore, if you want to have a relationship that has a good chance of succeeding, make sure that you can identify Agape, Storge, Eros and Phillia within it. It definitely wouldn't have a chance without all four types of love.
When asked which ones we need for a marriage or relationship to work well, I immediately recognized that all four are needed. As I said earlier, there are many relationships of just Eros and because they only have the romance and sexual love and nothing else, they don't endure or last. I believe their needs to be a balance of all four types of love.
You may be confused by how Storge would be important in marriage. Well what comes to mind when you think of how a parent who loves their child treats them? I think of the sense of responsibility and the want and need to take care of them. I feel that way for my husband. I think that's why in a lot of families, they joke that Dad is one of Mom's kids. When my husband gets sick, I want and do my best to help him in his sickness. When he has any kind of a problem, I try to help him figure it out. Whenever his self-confidence goes down, I do my best to bring it back up as high as I can. He does the same for me. Our moms used to have that role, but since we've been married, we fill in those categories. A wife replaces a mother in many ways. This is my proof that Storge love has not only a place in a marriage, but a big place. It's our feelings of taking care of each other come from.
Having Agape shows that you can love your spouse even when you aren't getting along. Your love won't fade even if you aren't currently "in love" with them. It's very important to have in a relationship because it helps it endure. Phillia is also important to have, in my opinion, because it's hard to be married to someone if you don't have a friendship as well. Many spouse's say that they married their best friend. I did as well. Because of our friendship, we can laugh with each other and get along well. A relationship without a friendship is hard to have last.
Therefore, if you want to have a relationship that has a good chance of succeeding, make sure that you can identify Agape, Storge, Eros and Phillia within it. It definitely wouldn't have a chance without all four types of love.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Week 4: The Sibling Effect
Honestly, we only talked about siblings for one day, but I really liked the article I read about it. A professor from BYU did a study on sisters and found that they are really good for children to have. Sure they fight and can pick on each other, but through those fights, children learn how to make up, forgive, and move on. Siblings in general help with that, so it seems that children who have no siblings don't get as many chances. Another good thing about sisters is that they give siblings better mental health. Something about having a sister can help prevent a child from feeling down in the dumps. I should probably clarify that not just any siblings and sisters have these effects, but the loving ones that do.
I found myself thinking back at my childhood. I grew up with two brothers (one older, one younger) and two older sisters. I really do think having those siblings helped me feel better about myself, and I can see that my sisters did help me from feeling down in the dumps a lot. Whenever they saw that my self esteem was low, they would do their best to show me everything that was great about me. One sister was only a couple grades higher than me in school and my younger brother was one grade below. Because of that we often were in the same school for a couple years in elementary, middle and high school. Whenever we saw or passed each other in the hallway, we always said hi, gave each other a hug or high fived each other if we had little time and the halls were too crowded. Seeing them always made me happy and lifted my spirits, even if I was having a rough day. I had four loving siblings that I would of course scrabble with, but I know that if I didn't have them, I would seriously be lacking. Even today, I find myself needing their love and support. Three of my four siblings happen to be attending the same University as me and it has been so much fun being around them often. They became my best friends, though we still get in arguments every now and then.
I believe that as more and more families have less and less children, they are unintentionally depriving them of a better childhood. I hope that there will come a day where families will come to see the negative affect having less children has on the one child that they do have.
I found myself thinking back at my childhood. I grew up with two brothers (one older, one younger) and two older sisters. I really do think having those siblings helped me feel better about myself, and I can see that my sisters did help me from feeling down in the dumps a lot. Whenever they saw that my self esteem was low, they would do their best to show me everything that was great about me. One sister was only a couple grades higher than me in school and my younger brother was one grade below. Because of that we often were in the same school for a couple years in elementary, middle and high school. Whenever we saw or passed each other in the hallway, we always said hi, gave each other a hug or high fived each other if we had little time and the halls were too crowded. Seeing them always made me happy and lifted my spirits, even if I was having a rough day. I had four loving siblings that I would of course scrabble with, but I know that if I didn't have them, I would seriously be lacking. Even today, I find myself needing their love and support. Three of my four siblings happen to be attending the same University as me and it has been so much fun being around them often. They became my best friends, though we still get in arguments every now and then.
I believe that as more and more families have less and less children, they are unintentionally depriving them of a better childhood. I hope that there will come a day where families will come to see the negative affect having less children has on the one child that they do have.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Week 3: Family Generational Patterns
In class today, our teacher brought up multi-generational patterns found in families. He gave an example of how there's a chain from his father up the line where the father was uninvolved or disengaged with their children and how the second oldest child/son took over the fatherly example in the family because something happened to the first child/son and the father was absent a lot, if not always. He noticed that his father was probably always working because his father was the same way and that was what he was used to.
We tend to follow the trend of our parents. It's not intentional, but that's what we were exposed to and observed growing up. They are what are familiar to us, and familiar comes from family. Some trends may be good and some may be bad. We need to make sure that we make a conscious effort to be different when we catch ourselves with the bad trends we may have gotten from our family and use only the good on our spouse and children.
We tend to follow the trend of our parents. It's not intentional, but that's what we were exposed to and observed growing up. They are what are familiar to us, and familiar comes from family. Some trends may be good and some may be bad. We need to make sure that we make a conscious effort to be different when we catch ourselves with the bad trends we may have gotten from our family and use only the good on our spouse and children.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Week 2: The Symbolic Interaction Theory
This Monday in class, we discussed our reading of the many types of theories that are related to the family. There are systems theories, exchange theories, symbolic interactions, and conflict. The one that interested me the most was the symbolic interaction. Symbolic interaction is about the behaviors in relationships that have meanings. These behaviors may cause confusion because the meaning may not be shared between both people. Because of this confusion, symbolic interaction can lead to frustration, disappointment, and dissolution. It can lead to conflict and even ruin the relationship. Our teacher shared an example of a married couple he counseled. They had a symbolic interaction problem and because of it, they were wanting a divorce. He would speak to each person alone first about their behavior and their meaning behind it and how they feel about their spouse's behavior. Afterward, he had them back together in the room and had them explain the meaning behind their behaviors to each other. After some time of them being aware of how they come off to the other spouse and realize how better to express themselves and understand the other's meaning in behavior, they got along much better. They fell completely in love with each other again and didn't go through with the divorce.
I have been married to my sweetheart for almost 2 years and this made me aware of how important communication is in order to understand my husband's true meanings behind certain behaviors. Also, for him to know what's going on inside my head. I hope that all those who read this post will keep this in mind for all their current and future relationships. Try to understand their true feelings and meaning behind the behavior and actions. Look at yourself and make sure that your true meanings are being properly accepted by others and you don't confuse them. This will surely help relationships in a big way.
I have been married to my sweetheart for almost 2 years and this made me aware of how important communication is in order to understand my husband's true meanings behind certain behaviors. Also, for him to know what's going on inside my head. I hope that all those who read this post will keep this in mind for all their current and future relationships. Try to understand their true feelings and meaning behind the behavior and actions. Look at yourself and make sure that your true meanings are being properly accepted by others and you don't confuse them. This will surely help relationships in a big way.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Week 1: Marriage and Family Trends
This week our class has been covering the many different trends that have increased among marriages and families in America. Trends such as cohabiting, marriage age, the number of children couples have, the age when married couples have children, teen pregnancy, premarital sex, etc. We were talking about which ones may be significant, interesting, or incidental. They were more opinionated rather than factual. As I looked at the list of trends, I noticed that they all effected the family in some way or form. For example, cohabiting can lead to marriage at a later age, which leads them having children at an older age, which can lead to the number of children being one or two possibly because they lack energy or youth to have children. If the couple married at a younger age, they have more time to be able to have children. So many of the trends correlate with each other. Teen pregnancy can lead to single mothers that need to be employed. There are plenty of examples like this. My insight from class Monday and today is that most of the list of trends are significant to me.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Blog Introduction
This post is just an introduction of myself and an explanation of what this blog is about.
I'll start with myself. I'm a college student who has been married for almost 2 years. My husband and I are expecting our first child which is really exciting and nerve-wrecking at the same time. I am now 4 months pregnant and get to find out the gender of my baby in a month. So don't be surprised if I talk about my baby a lot, it's going to make me a mother in about 5 months, and what I learn in my class will be related to parenting.
I am in my first week of my Family Relations class and keeping a blog is one of its requirements. The point of the blog is to share my thoughts and insights that I gained from class each week. For those reading who may not know what the class is about, here's a little description. From just the word "Family" you've probably already guessed that it has to do with families, which is correct. It also has to do with social science research skills about families that we'll gain from the class. I still have yet to figure out what more I'll be learning about, but that's what I'll be sharing with you as I make my weekly posts. I'll keep you posted starting next week!
-Brenna
I'll start with myself. I'm a college student who has been married for almost 2 years. My husband and I are expecting our first child which is really exciting and nerve-wrecking at the same time. I am now 4 months pregnant and get to find out the gender of my baby in a month. So don't be surprised if I talk about my baby a lot, it's going to make me a mother in about 5 months, and what I learn in my class will be related to parenting.
I am in my first week of my Family Relations class and keeping a blog is one of its requirements. The point of the blog is to share my thoughts and insights that I gained from class each week. For those reading who may not know what the class is about, here's a little description. From just the word "Family" you've probably already guessed that it has to do with families, which is correct. It also has to do with social science research skills about families that we'll gain from the class. I still have yet to figure out what more I'll be learning about, but that's what I'll be sharing with you as I make my weekly posts. I'll keep you posted starting next week!
-Brenna
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