This week we have a paper due about fatherhood and the affect fathers have for their children. What I learned were very interesting things that I had no idea fathers had an impact on. For example, a father's involvement has an affect on how children treat others. If a child had a nurturing father that was around often, they are less aggressive and more kind with other children. A father also has a direct impact on a child's well-being and can influence their child's academic achievement. There is a lot more that fathers influence and impact in their child's life, especially when they are the nurturing kind of father.
So since Thanksgiving is this week, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful father and how grateful I am that he is the nurturing kind. My dad is sweet, silly, talented and one of the most loving people I have ever known. He is so accepting that many of my siblings' friends became part of the family and took an an adopted role because they loved him and our family so much.
My dad always cared and is there for me when I need him. I can hold conversations with him that could go on forever. He's always teaching me and sharing his knowledge with me. He's the type of father who never withheld his affection for his children. I am so grateful for the wonderful influence he has had in my life and I only continue to realize how great he is and was and the sacrifices he went through for our family.
I love you dad! Thank you for being the best dad ever!
Monday, November 25, 2013
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Week 9: Power
There are different types of power in a family that is used.
There are also different ways power is divided among a husband and wife. Some extreme cases are abuse, but power does not mean abuse. It depends on how one uses their power. In some families, the father has the most power, and in some the mother does. There are many families where the power is split between the two in different areas. Many women in that situation usually choose to have the power over decisions of the household and children, and the father may have more power over all the other matters. One might prefer having power over the bills, or they might share their power in many areas. When I think of power in the family, I think of who has control over what and who has the final say in it. Every family has their differences in how they divide and use their power, but here are some examples of the types of power parents might use either on each other or their children.
Coercive is usually used in desperation by a parent and is dependent on fear and the parent threaten punishments. Parents that use coercive power usually use that when nothing else seems to work, but many try to avoid it if they can. Another type of power is Reward power. It's when parents will try to get their children to be obedient by offering them some kind of reward for doing what they're told. Legitimate power is more power spouses use on each other rather than on their children. It's when one asks the other to do something that the other has the duty to comply and so they'll do it. Expert power is when one has power over something because they have special expertise or knowledge in that specific area. Referent power is used when the other obeys because they have a desire to please the one using the power on them. The last type of power is Informational which is basically persuasion by spouse that what they want is in your own best interest.
You can probably picture a bunch of scenarios in your head for each type of power and you probably have mixed feelings about the use of each of them, whether you consider them negative or positive. My goal was not to tell you what's good and what's bad with them, but just to point out what the types were.
There are also different ways power is divided among a husband and wife. Some extreme cases are abuse, but power does not mean abuse. It depends on how one uses their power. In some families, the father has the most power, and in some the mother does. There are many families where the power is split between the two in different areas. Many women in that situation usually choose to have the power over decisions of the household and children, and the father may have more power over all the other matters. One might prefer having power over the bills, or they might share their power in many areas. When I think of power in the family, I think of who has control over what and who has the final say in it. Every family has their differences in how they divide and use their power, but here are some examples of the types of power parents might use either on each other or their children.
Coercive is usually used in desperation by a parent and is dependent on fear and the parent threaten punishments. Parents that use coercive power usually use that when nothing else seems to work, but many try to avoid it if they can. Another type of power is Reward power. It's when parents will try to get their children to be obedient by offering them some kind of reward for doing what they're told. Legitimate power is more power spouses use on each other rather than on their children. It's when one asks the other to do something that the other has the duty to comply and so they'll do it. Expert power is when one has power over something because they have special expertise or knowledge in that specific area. Referent power is used when the other obeys because they have a desire to please the one using the power on them. The last type of power is Informational which is basically persuasion by spouse that what they want is in your own best interest.
You can probably picture a bunch of scenarios in your head for each type of power and you probably have mixed feelings about the use of each of them, whether you consider them negative or positive. My goal was not to tell you what's good and what's bad with them, but just to point out what the types were.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Week 8: Family Crisis
There are many different crisis that a family could go through and some cope with them differently.
A family could have a financial crisis where one of the parents are unemployed. There could be illness or death in a family. Divorce is a family crisis. They can have positive or negative effects on the family, or even both. Each situation and each individual can deal and cope with the crisis differently. When there is death in a family, it brings some families closer and strengthens their bonds with one another as they heal each other and try to fill up the hole from their lost loved one. For other families, they blame each other and shut each other out refusing to give or accept comfort making the hole made turn into a trench. The other members of the family grow apart more and more over time.
With divorce it could be good if it ended a terrible marriage where there was any kind of abuse involved, then that is usually better off for everyone. However, divorce can end up tearing a family apart and ruin relationships within the family that used to be great. My husband's family has never been the same since his parents' divorce and all of his used to be fantastic and close relationships with his mother and siblings have deteriorated. They used to be so close and get along very well, but his siblings now don't know how to get along with each other anymore.
A financial crisis can help a family become closer by getting together and doing what they can to make it by, but it could also result in many siblings getting jobs and spending less time with their family. As you can see, the outcome of a family crisis completely depends on how the members of the family cope with it. A crisis can bring a family closer or tear them apart. If we can keep this in mind, we can hopefully avoid a crisis negatively impacting our families and let them strengthen us.
A family could have a financial crisis where one of the parents are unemployed. There could be illness or death in a family. Divorce is a family crisis. They can have positive or negative effects on the family, or even both. Each situation and each individual can deal and cope with the crisis differently. When there is death in a family, it brings some families closer and strengthens their bonds with one another as they heal each other and try to fill up the hole from their lost loved one. For other families, they blame each other and shut each other out refusing to give or accept comfort making the hole made turn into a trench. The other members of the family grow apart more and more over time.
With divorce it could be good if it ended a terrible marriage where there was any kind of abuse involved, then that is usually better off for everyone. However, divorce can end up tearing a family apart and ruin relationships within the family that used to be great. My husband's family has never been the same since his parents' divorce and all of his used to be fantastic and close relationships with his mother and siblings have deteriorated. They used to be so close and get along very well, but his siblings now don't know how to get along with each other anymore.
A financial crisis can help a family become closer by getting together and doing what they can to make it by, but it could also result in many siblings getting jobs and spending less time with their family. As you can see, the outcome of a family crisis completely depends on how the members of the family cope with it. A crisis can bring a family closer or tear them apart. If we can keep this in mind, we can hopefully avoid a crisis negatively impacting our families and let them strengthen us.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Week 7: Fidelity in Marriage
In class today, we talked about the many ways one can commit infidelity on their spouse. The first way that comes to everyone's mind is the most obvious one, which is sexual infidelity. There are quite a few ways however, and many people would not find some of them as threats and steps to cheating on their spouse, but it can hurt them in some way.
One way is just by being dishonest with your spouse. Lying or hiding something from them is not a good idea ans should always be avoided. A marriage needs to be built on truth and communication with one another. One lie can build up to many lies which can crumble a once very strong relationship.
Pornography is also very harmful to a relationship and is a form of infidelity. It is not fair to your spouse. Even daydreaming and thinking romantically or sexually about another person is infidelity. People would think it's harmless when it's just a thought and not an action, but how hurt would your spouse be to know that you would rather think of someone else other than them to be like that with. Avoid it.
Avoid being alone with another person who isn't your spouse. It does and has happened where you can develop romantic feelings with that person. Also, don't confide in anyone other than your spouse.
Last, I would like to add that you should not put anyone or anything before your spouse. If your spouse is not your #1, then your marriage will loosen and the bond that keeps you two close together will get wider rather than tighter.
These have taught me a great deal of where to avoid situations where there is even potential of me becoming an infidel to my marriage. Remember the words "Avoid it." They have helped me so far in my marriage and I will continue to follow them. I hope they will help you just the same. Love your spouse, tell them the truth, even it it hurts either or both of you. Have an honest relationship. You two will go far!
One way is just by being dishonest with your spouse. Lying or hiding something from them is not a good idea ans should always be avoided. A marriage needs to be built on truth and communication with one another. One lie can build up to many lies which can crumble a once very strong relationship.
Pornography is also very harmful to a relationship and is a form of infidelity. It is not fair to your spouse. Even daydreaming and thinking romantically or sexually about another person is infidelity. People would think it's harmless when it's just a thought and not an action, but how hurt would your spouse be to know that you would rather think of someone else other than them to be like that with. Avoid it.
Avoid being alone with another person who isn't your spouse. It does and has happened where you can develop romantic feelings with that person. Also, don't confide in anyone other than your spouse.
Last, I would like to add that you should not put anyone or anything before your spouse. If your spouse is not your #1, then your marriage will loosen and the bond that keeps you two close together will get wider rather than tighter.
These have taught me a great deal of where to avoid situations where there is even potential of me becoming an infidel to my marriage. Remember the words "Avoid it." They have helped me so far in my marriage and I will continue to follow them. I hope they will help you just the same. Love your spouse, tell them the truth, even it it hurts either or both of you. Have an honest relationship. You two will go far!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Week 6: Early Marital Adjustments
Today in class we discussed the adjustments we make at the beginning of marriage. I really enjoyed this lesson/discussion because I'm a newly wed and I either am going through some of those adjustments right now or recently did. Some of the adjustments mentioned was coordinating schedules with your spouse, accommodation, changing habits and routines, sleeping adjustments and family traditions. The one I brought up is the adjustment of not taking your problems to your parents like you might be used to, but discuss them with your spouse. Especially if they are marital issues. If you took your problems and complained to mom, it isn't going to help the problem. Who is the problem with? Your spouse? Then go discuss it and figure it out with that person. Your parents can't help you with your marital problems, but will probably make it worse. One student in my class commented that it could warp how your parents see your spouse and start to see them as someone who doesn't treat you right or someone with a bunch of issues. That's not fair to give your spouse that kind of appearance to your parents. You might ruin what was once a good relationship between them.
I remember getting this advice from a friend at my wedding reception and I still remember and take that advice seriously. I have been very private with my marriage problems where only my husband and I are aware of it and we figure them out together. I think it's some of the best advice and I would advise it to every married couple. If you take your problems to your parents, then you aren't communicating with your spouse and lack of communication is a huge cause of divorce. Please don't take communication with your spouse lightly. You will become even closer if you and your spouse can bring up and discuss problems and figure them out together. That is important in a marriage. I've been married for almost two years now, and I already see and appreciate the importance of this matter.
I remember getting this advice from a friend at my wedding reception and I still remember and take that advice seriously. I have been very private with my marriage problems where only my husband and I are aware of it and we figure them out together. I think it's some of the best advice and I would advise it to every married couple. If you take your problems to your parents, then you aren't communicating with your spouse and lack of communication is a huge cause of divorce. Please don't take communication with your spouse lightly. You will become even closer if you and your spouse can bring up and discuss problems and figure them out together. That is important in a marriage. I've been married for almost two years now, and I already see and appreciate the importance of this matter.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Week 5: Love
We learned about the different types of love. There are four types: Agape, Storge, Eros, and Phillia. Agape is the type of love that is independent of one's feelings. It has to do with an intention and is not feeling-based. Storge is the kind of love that a parent has for their child. Eros is the popular type of love that everyone sings about which is the passionate and sexual love. Many people think Eros is what true love is and many relationships are built off of it, but then they fail. The last one is Phillia, which is when you have a sense and want of closeness, friendliness and brotherly love.
When asked which ones we need for a marriage or relationship to work well, I immediately recognized that all four are needed. As I said earlier, there are many relationships of just Eros and because they only have the romance and sexual love and nothing else, they don't endure or last. I believe their needs to be a balance of all four types of love.
You may be confused by how Storge would be important in marriage. Well what comes to mind when you think of how a parent who loves their child treats them? I think of the sense of responsibility and the want and need to take care of them. I feel that way for my husband. I think that's why in a lot of families, they joke that Dad is one of Mom's kids. When my husband gets sick, I want and do my best to help him in his sickness. When he has any kind of a problem, I try to help him figure it out. Whenever his self-confidence goes down, I do my best to bring it back up as high as I can. He does the same for me. Our moms used to have that role, but since we've been married, we fill in those categories. A wife replaces a mother in many ways. This is my proof that Storge love has not only a place in a marriage, but a big place. It's our feelings of taking care of each other come from.
Having Agape shows that you can love your spouse even when you aren't getting along. Your love won't fade even if you aren't currently "in love" with them. It's very important to have in a relationship because it helps it endure. Phillia is also important to have, in my opinion, because it's hard to be married to someone if you don't have a friendship as well. Many spouse's say that they married their best friend. I did as well. Because of our friendship, we can laugh with each other and get along well. A relationship without a friendship is hard to have last.
Therefore, if you want to have a relationship that has a good chance of succeeding, make sure that you can identify Agape, Storge, Eros and Phillia within it. It definitely wouldn't have a chance without all four types of love.
When asked which ones we need for a marriage or relationship to work well, I immediately recognized that all four are needed. As I said earlier, there are many relationships of just Eros and because they only have the romance and sexual love and nothing else, they don't endure or last. I believe their needs to be a balance of all four types of love.
You may be confused by how Storge would be important in marriage. Well what comes to mind when you think of how a parent who loves their child treats them? I think of the sense of responsibility and the want and need to take care of them. I feel that way for my husband. I think that's why in a lot of families, they joke that Dad is one of Mom's kids. When my husband gets sick, I want and do my best to help him in his sickness. When he has any kind of a problem, I try to help him figure it out. Whenever his self-confidence goes down, I do my best to bring it back up as high as I can. He does the same for me. Our moms used to have that role, but since we've been married, we fill in those categories. A wife replaces a mother in many ways. This is my proof that Storge love has not only a place in a marriage, but a big place. It's our feelings of taking care of each other come from.
Having Agape shows that you can love your spouse even when you aren't getting along. Your love won't fade even if you aren't currently "in love" with them. It's very important to have in a relationship because it helps it endure. Phillia is also important to have, in my opinion, because it's hard to be married to someone if you don't have a friendship as well. Many spouse's say that they married their best friend. I did as well. Because of our friendship, we can laugh with each other and get along well. A relationship without a friendship is hard to have last.
Therefore, if you want to have a relationship that has a good chance of succeeding, make sure that you can identify Agape, Storge, Eros and Phillia within it. It definitely wouldn't have a chance without all four types of love.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Week 4: The Sibling Effect
Honestly, we only talked about siblings for one day, but I really liked the article I read about it. A professor from BYU did a study on sisters and found that they are really good for children to have. Sure they fight and can pick on each other, but through those fights, children learn how to make up, forgive, and move on. Siblings in general help with that, so it seems that children who have no siblings don't get as many chances. Another good thing about sisters is that they give siblings better mental health. Something about having a sister can help prevent a child from feeling down in the dumps. I should probably clarify that not just any siblings and sisters have these effects, but the loving ones that do.
I found myself thinking back at my childhood. I grew up with two brothers (one older, one younger) and two older sisters. I really do think having those siblings helped me feel better about myself, and I can see that my sisters did help me from feeling down in the dumps a lot. Whenever they saw that my self esteem was low, they would do their best to show me everything that was great about me. One sister was only a couple grades higher than me in school and my younger brother was one grade below. Because of that we often were in the same school for a couple years in elementary, middle and high school. Whenever we saw or passed each other in the hallway, we always said hi, gave each other a hug or high fived each other if we had little time and the halls were too crowded. Seeing them always made me happy and lifted my spirits, even if I was having a rough day. I had four loving siblings that I would of course scrabble with, but I know that if I didn't have them, I would seriously be lacking. Even today, I find myself needing their love and support. Three of my four siblings happen to be attending the same University as me and it has been so much fun being around them often. They became my best friends, though we still get in arguments every now and then.
I believe that as more and more families have less and less children, they are unintentionally depriving them of a better childhood. I hope that there will come a day where families will come to see the negative affect having less children has on the one child that they do have.
I found myself thinking back at my childhood. I grew up with two brothers (one older, one younger) and two older sisters. I really do think having those siblings helped me feel better about myself, and I can see that my sisters did help me from feeling down in the dumps a lot. Whenever they saw that my self esteem was low, they would do their best to show me everything that was great about me. One sister was only a couple grades higher than me in school and my younger brother was one grade below. Because of that we often were in the same school for a couple years in elementary, middle and high school. Whenever we saw or passed each other in the hallway, we always said hi, gave each other a hug or high fived each other if we had little time and the halls were too crowded. Seeing them always made me happy and lifted my spirits, even if I was having a rough day. I had four loving siblings that I would of course scrabble with, but I know that if I didn't have them, I would seriously be lacking. Even today, I find myself needing their love and support. Three of my four siblings happen to be attending the same University as me and it has been so much fun being around them often. They became my best friends, though we still get in arguments every now and then.
I believe that as more and more families have less and less children, they are unintentionally depriving them of a better childhood. I hope that there will come a day where families will come to see the negative affect having less children has on the one child that they do have.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)