Divorce is hard on the children, and there are sadly consequences that come from it. They are losing their family. Their relationship with both of their parents change, but more usually with the father and child since the mother usually has custody. Even if it's joint custody, the mom gets them more most of the time. The father sometimes ends up far away, and there was even a study that showed that around the time the child of divorced parents turns 15, the average father of that child is around 400 miles away from them. Today my teacher went over reasons for why that could be. The mother may have moved, either to where she was able to get a job, or she moved closer to family or some kind of support system after the divorce. Perhaps it was because she remarried or wanted to get far away from her ex-husband. Maybe the father moved to get another job to get more income because he has to pay for two different households now for child support. He may even had remarried and moved to live with his wife. Because of the distance, the child sees their father even less and loses the relationship they once had with them.
The child might withdraw from their parents because of change in their relationship to them or even to each other. Sadly, some parents fight each other through the child and that can really damage that child's relationship with them. Divorce is never an easy situation and will always change a child and not usually for the better.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Week 11: Abortion and Adoption
The number of abortions are going up and the amount of adoptions are decreasing because of it. It is very sad for me to think about, because there are so many infertile couples that want more than anything to adopt a child, but those who are getting pregnant and aren't able or don't want to raise their baby turn to abortion instead.
My teacher on Monday asked each of us to come up with what we would say about abortion, and I'd like to use this post to share what I have to say about abortion. I'm going to come out and just say that yes, I am very much against abortion. Mostly for those who choose it not because their health is at risk, and not because they were raped, but because they are selfish. They don't want to go through pregnancy, they don't want to go through labor pains, they don't want to feel shamed because people will see their baby belly. Some convince themselves that life is terrible and they are just keeping the child from going through hell on this earth. Well, I've got to tell them to suck it up. I say choose adoption. Putting aside rape, I'd like to explain something to others who get pregnant outside of marriage. Sex is procreation. Remember? If you don't want a baby yet, the safest way to avoid it is by abstaining from sex. The number one function of sex is to make babies. I think the world had totally messed this simple fact up. They think sex is for fun and to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful way to express love with your loved one, but it's basic anatomy of it is making a child. So many people seem to forget that and then get all upset and freaked out when they get pregnant. Hello, you had sex, and babies are what come from it. You reap what you sow. I know, I must sound really harsh, but it should be so obvious! For those who were raped and got pregnant from that I have a little more understanding, but I honestly think that letting the baby grow full term and then putting up for adoption would be the best of both of you. So many people who chose abortion end up feeling guilt within a few years later and some people had found afterword that when they are trying to get pregnant, that they can't. The baby they could have had they killed. Who wants to live with that guilt. I understand that some people in defense of the raped will say that it's cruel to make someone go through pregnancy having to see and deal with despair and reminder of what happened to them. I understand that, but this life is full of trials and not a smooth road. Some of us will have to suffer in different ways and this is one trial that some of us will go through and I know they can make it through.
Then comes the whole danger to the mom's health thing. All I can say about this is that I haven't heard of a single story or scenario where a mom got an abortion to save herself. I have only heard and seen the women in those situations want the baby so much that they push on anyways and have the baby. So i honestly don't know about the whole "what about the women whose health is in danger?" thing. It sounds like it's everyone else who wants to have the abortion and not the ones whose lives are at risk. Of course, I won't hold onto that if I do hear of a story of a mother who chose abortion to save herself, I just haven't yet is all.
Then there is the famous "It's my body, I should be able to do whatever I want with it. You can't tell me what to do with my body." News flash: Your body? Have you ever seen what pregnancy looks like? How a body forms over time? There is a body inside of yours forming, but it isn't your body that you are taking out and destroying. It is another person's body that you don't give a chance to grow and be born. It is not your body which is why so many people don't want you to have the choice to take it's life away from it. Think about it: what if your mom decided to abort you? What if she gave all the excuses that everyone else gives? How do you feel thinking about not having the chance to live? Think about it. Is abortion really necessary when there's adoption? They are so many couples out there dying for children and yet there are so many women deciding to abort instead. Don't you think adoption is the best choice for everyone? Less regret, no preventing life, and making the life of other people happy by giving them a chance to raise children and thereby giving that child a wonderful life with loving parents who wanted them more than anything. What do you think is better and more benefiting, abortion or adoption?
My teacher on Monday asked each of us to come up with what we would say about abortion, and I'd like to use this post to share what I have to say about abortion. I'm going to come out and just say that yes, I am very much against abortion. Mostly for those who choose it not because their health is at risk, and not because they were raped, but because they are selfish. They don't want to go through pregnancy, they don't want to go through labor pains, they don't want to feel shamed because people will see their baby belly. Some convince themselves that life is terrible and they are just keeping the child from going through hell on this earth. Well, I've got to tell them to suck it up. I say choose adoption. Putting aside rape, I'd like to explain something to others who get pregnant outside of marriage. Sex is procreation. Remember? If you don't want a baby yet, the safest way to avoid it is by abstaining from sex. The number one function of sex is to make babies. I think the world had totally messed this simple fact up. They think sex is for fun and to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful way to express love with your loved one, but it's basic anatomy of it is making a child. So many people seem to forget that and then get all upset and freaked out when they get pregnant. Hello, you had sex, and babies are what come from it. You reap what you sow. I know, I must sound really harsh, but it should be so obvious! For those who were raped and got pregnant from that I have a little more understanding, but I honestly think that letting the baby grow full term and then putting up for adoption would be the best of both of you. So many people who chose abortion end up feeling guilt within a few years later and some people had found afterword that when they are trying to get pregnant, that they can't. The baby they could have had they killed. Who wants to live with that guilt. I understand that some people in defense of the raped will say that it's cruel to make someone go through pregnancy having to see and deal with despair and reminder of what happened to them. I understand that, but this life is full of trials and not a smooth road. Some of us will have to suffer in different ways and this is one trial that some of us will go through and I know they can make it through.
Then comes the whole danger to the mom's health thing. All I can say about this is that I haven't heard of a single story or scenario where a mom got an abortion to save herself. I have only heard and seen the women in those situations want the baby so much that they push on anyways and have the baby. So i honestly don't know about the whole "what about the women whose health is in danger?" thing. It sounds like it's everyone else who wants to have the abortion and not the ones whose lives are at risk. Of course, I won't hold onto that if I do hear of a story of a mother who chose abortion to save herself, I just haven't yet is all.
Then there is the famous "It's my body, I should be able to do whatever I want with it. You can't tell me what to do with my body." News flash: Your body? Have you ever seen what pregnancy looks like? How a body forms over time? There is a body inside of yours forming, but it isn't your body that you are taking out and destroying. It is another person's body that you don't give a chance to grow and be born. It is not your body which is why so many people don't want you to have the choice to take it's life away from it. Think about it: what if your mom decided to abort you? What if she gave all the excuses that everyone else gives? How do you feel thinking about not having the chance to live? Think about it. Is abortion really necessary when there's adoption? They are so many couples out there dying for children and yet there are so many women deciding to abort instead. Don't you think adoption is the best choice for everyone? Less regret, no preventing life, and making the life of other people happy by giving them a chance to raise children and thereby giving that child a wonderful life with loving parents who wanted them more than anything. What do you think is better and more benefiting, abortion or adoption?
Monday, November 25, 2013
Week 10: Fatherhood
This week we have a paper due about fatherhood and the affect fathers have for their children. What I learned were very interesting things that I had no idea fathers had an impact on. For example, a father's involvement has an affect on how children treat others. If a child had a nurturing father that was around often, they are less aggressive and more kind with other children. A father also has a direct impact on a child's well-being and can influence their child's academic achievement. There is a lot more that fathers influence and impact in their child's life, especially when they are the nurturing kind of father.
So since Thanksgiving is this week, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful father and how grateful I am that he is the nurturing kind. My dad is sweet, silly, talented and one of the most loving people I have ever known. He is so accepting that many of my siblings' friends became part of the family and took an an adopted role because they loved him and our family so much.
My dad always cared and is there for me when I need him. I can hold conversations with him that could go on forever. He's always teaching me and sharing his knowledge with me. He's the type of father who never withheld his affection for his children. I am so grateful for the wonderful influence he has had in my life and I only continue to realize how great he is and was and the sacrifices he went through for our family.
I love you dad! Thank you for being the best dad ever!
So since Thanksgiving is this week, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful father and how grateful I am that he is the nurturing kind. My dad is sweet, silly, talented and one of the most loving people I have ever known. He is so accepting that many of my siblings' friends became part of the family and took an an adopted role because they loved him and our family so much.
My dad always cared and is there for me when I need him. I can hold conversations with him that could go on forever. He's always teaching me and sharing his knowledge with me. He's the type of father who never withheld his affection for his children. I am so grateful for the wonderful influence he has had in my life and I only continue to realize how great he is and was and the sacrifices he went through for our family.
I love you dad! Thank you for being the best dad ever!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Week 9: Power
There are different types of power in a family that is used.
There are also different ways power is divided among a husband and wife. Some extreme cases are abuse, but power does not mean abuse. It depends on how one uses their power. In some families, the father has the most power, and in some the mother does. There are many families where the power is split between the two in different areas. Many women in that situation usually choose to have the power over decisions of the household and children, and the father may have more power over all the other matters. One might prefer having power over the bills, or they might share their power in many areas. When I think of power in the family, I think of who has control over what and who has the final say in it. Every family has their differences in how they divide and use their power, but here are some examples of the types of power parents might use either on each other or their children.
Coercive is usually used in desperation by a parent and is dependent on fear and the parent threaten punishments. Parents that use coercive power usually use that when nothing else seems to work, but many try to avoid it if they can. Another type of power is Reward power. It's when parents will try to get their children to be obedient by offering them some kind of reward for doing what they're told. Legitimate power is more power spouses use on each other rather than on their children. It's when one asks the other to do something that the other has the duty to comply and so they'll do it. Expert power is when one has power over something because they have special expertise or knowledge in that specific area. Referent power is used when the other obeys because they have a desire to please the one using the power on them. The last type of power is Informational which is basically persuasion by spouse that what they want is in your own best interest.
You can probably picture a bunch of scenarios in your head for each type of power and you probably have mixed feelings about the use of each of them, whether you consider them negative or positive. My goal was not to tell you what's good and what's bad with them, but just to point out what the types were.
There are also different ways power is divided among a husband and wife. Some extreme cases are abuse, but power does not mean abuse. It depends on how one uses their power. In some families, the father has the most power, and in some the mother does. There are many families where the power is split between the two in different areas. Many women in that situation usually choose to have the power over decisions of the household and children, and the father may have more power over all the other matters. One might prefer having power over the bills, or they might share their power in many areas. When I think of power in the family, I think of who has control over what and who has the final say in it. Every family has their differences in how they divide and use their power, but here are some examples of the types of power parents might use either on each other or their children.
Coercive is usually used in desperation by a parent and is dependent on fear and the parent threaten punishments. Parents that use coercive power usually use that when nothing else seems to work, but many try to avoid it if they can. Another type of power is Reward power. It's when parents will try to get their children to be obedient by offering them some kind of reward for doing what they're told. Legitimate power is more power spouses use on each other rather than on their children. It's when one asks the other to do something that the other has the duty to comply and so they'll do it. Expert power is when one has power over something because they have special expertise or knowledge in that specific area. Referent power is used when the other obeys because they have a desire to please the one using the power on them. The last type of power is Informational which is basically persuasion by spouse that what they want is in your own best interest.
You can probably picture a bunch of scenarios in your head for each type of power and you probably have mixed feelings about the use of each of them, whether you consider them negative or positive. My goal was not to tell you what's good and what's bad with them, but just to point out what the types were.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Week 8: Family Crisis
There are many different crisis that a family could go through and some cope with them differently.
A family could have a financial crisis where one of the parents are unemployed. There could be illness or death in a family. Divorce is a family crisis. They can have positive or negative effects on the family, or even both. Each situation and each individual can deal and cope with the crisis differently. When there is death in a family, it brings some families closer and strengthens their bonds with one another as they heal each other and try to fill up the hole from their lost loved one. For other families, they blame each other and shut each other out refusing to give or accept comfort making the hole made turn into a trench. The other members of the family grow apart more and more over time.
With divorce it could be good if it ended a terrible marriage where there was any kind of abuse involved, then that is usually better off for everyone. However, divorce can end up tearing a family apart and ruin relationships within the family that used to be great. My husband's family has never been the same since his parents' divorce and all of his used to be fantastic and close relationships with his mother and siblings have deteriorated. They used to be so close and get along very well, but his siblings now don't know how to get along with each other anymore.
A financial crisis can help a family become closer by getting together and doing what they can to make it by, but it could also result in many siblings getting jobs and spending less time with their family. As you can see, the outcome of a family crisis completely depends on how the members of the family cope with it. A crisis can bring a family closer or tear them apart. If we can keep this in mind, we can hopefully avoid a crisis negatively impacting our families and let them strengthen us.
A family could have a financial crisis where one of the parents are unemployed. There could be illness or death in a family. Divorce is a family crisis. They can have positive or negative effects on the family, or even both. Each situation and each individual can deal and cope with the crisis differently. When there is death in a family, it brings some families closer and strengthens their bonds with one another as they heal each other and try to fill up the hole from their lost loved one. For other families, they blame each other and shut each other out refusing to give or accept comfort making the hole made turn into a trench. The other members of the family grow apart more and more over time.
With divorce it could be good if it ended a terrible marriage where there was any kind of abuse involved, then that is usually better off for everyone. However, divorce can end up tearing a family apart and ruin relationships within the family that used to be great. My husband's family has never been the same since his parents' divorce and all of his used to be fantastic and close relationships with his mother and siblings have deteriorated. They used to be so close and get along very well, but his siblings now don't know how to get along with each other anymore.
A financial crisis can help a family become closer by getting together and doing what they can to make it by, but it could also result in many siblings getting jobs and spending less time with their family. As you can see, the outcome of a family crisis completely depends on how the members of the family cope with it. A crisis can bring a family closer or tear them apart. If we can keep this in mind, we can hopefully avoid a crisis negatively impacting our families and let them strengthen us.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Week 7: Fidelity in Marriage
In class today, we talked about the many ways one can commit infidelity on their spouse. The first way that comes to everyone's mind is the most obvious one, which is sexual infidelity. There are quite a few ways however, and many people would not find some of them as threats and steps to cheating on their spouse, but it can hurt them in some way.
One way is just by being dishonest with your spouse. Lying or hiding something from them is not a good idea ans should always be avoided. A marriage needs to be built on truth and communication with one another. One lie can build up to many lies which can crumble a once very strong relationship.
Pornography is also very harmful to a relationship and is a form of infidelity. It is not fair to your spouse. Even daydreaming and thinking romantically or sexually about another person is infidelity. People would think it's harmless when it's just a thought and not an action, but how hurt would your spouse be to know that you would rather think of someone else other than them to be like that with. Avoid it.
Avoid being alone with another person who isn't your spouse. It does and has happened where you can develop romantic feelings with that person. Also, don't confide in anyone other than your spouse.
Last, I would like to add that you should not put anyone or anything before your spouse. If your spouse is not your #1, then your marriage will loosen and the bond that keeps you two close together will get wider rather than tighter.
These have taught me a great deal of where to avoid situations where there is even potential of me becoming an infidel to my marriage. Remember the words "Avoid it." They have helped me so far in my marriage and I will continue to follow them. I hope they will help you just the same. Love your spouse, tell them the truth, even it it hurts either or both of you. Have an honest relationship. You two will go far!
One way is just by being dishonest with your spouse. Lying or hiding something from them is not a good idea ans should always be avoided. A marriage needs to be built on truth and communication with one another. One lie can build up to many lies which can crumble a once very strong relationship.
Pornography is also very harmful to a relationship and is a form of infidelity. It is not fair to your spouse. Even daydreaming and thinking romantically or sexually about another person is infidelity. People would think it's harmless when it's just a thought and not an action, but how hurt would your spouse be to know that you would rather think of someone else other than them to be like that with. Avoid it.
Avoid being alone with another person who isn't your spouse. It does and has happened where you can develop romantic feelings with that person. Also, don't confide in anyone other than your spouse.
Last, I would like to add that you should not put anyone or anything before your spouse. If your spouse is not your #1, then your marriage will loosen and the bond that keeps you two close together will get wider rather than tighter.
These have taught me a great deal of where to avoid situations where there is even potential of me becoming an infidel to my marriage. Remember the words "Avoid it." They have helped me so far in my marriage and I will continue to follow them. I hope they will help you just the same. Love your spouse, tell them the truth, even it it hurts either or both of you. Have an honest relationship. You two will go far!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Week 6: Early Marital Adjustments
Today in class we discussed the adjustments we make at the beginning of marriage. I really enjoyed this lesson/discussion because I'm a newly wed and I either am going through some of those adjustments right now or recently did. Some of the adjustments mentioned was coordinating schedules with your spouse, accommodation, changing habits and routines, sleeping adjustments and family traditions. The one I brought up is the adjustment of not taking your problems to your parents like you might be used to, but discuss them with your spouse. Especially if they are marital issues. If you took your problems and complained to mom, it isn't going to help the problem. Who is the problem with? Your spouse? Then go discuss it and figure it out with that person. Your parents can't help you with your marital problems, but will probably make it worse. One student in my class commented that it could warp how your parents see your spouse and start to see them as someone who doesn't treat you right or someone with a bunch of issues. That's not fair to give your spouse that kind of appearance to your parents. You might ruin what was once a good relationship between them.
I remember getting this advice from a friend at my wedding reception and I still remember and take that advice seriously. I have been very private with my marriage problems where only my husband and I are aware of it and we figure them out together. I think it's some of the best advice and I would advise it to every married couple. If you take your problems to your parents, then you aren't communicating with your spouse and lack of communication is a huge cause of divorce. Please don't take communication with your spouse lightly. You will become even closer if you and your spouse can bring up and discuss problems and figure them out together. That is important in a marriage. I've been married for almost two years now, and I already see and appreciate the importance of this matter.
I remember getting this advice from a friend at my wedding reception and I still remember and take that advice seriously. I have been very private with my marriage problems where only my husband and I are aware of it and we figure them out together. I think it's some of the best advice and I would advise it to every married couple. If you take your problems to your parents, then you aren't communicating with your spouse and lack of communication is a huge cause of divorce. Please don't take communication with your spouse lightly. You will become even closer if you and your spouse can bring up and discuss problems and figure them out together. That is important in a marriage. I've been married for almost two years now, and I already see and appreciate the importance of this matter.
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